Seriously, it’s scary how often I do INSANELY dumb shit.

My husband and I don’t get out much. It’s hard because we have no family in town and it can be difficult to get a trustworthy, reliable babysitter. Luckily, we have found one that we can use occasionally, so we were able to hit the town on Saturday night.

Leave it to us to end up in a strip joint on our rare night out. Don’t most “normal” surbanite parents go to Applebee’s and a movie? What’s wrong with us?

I guess I should just fess up now that I am the one who LOVES going to titty bars. Don’t get me wrong, the hubby definitely enjoys the view, but it’s always me that begs to go to them like a 6 year old begging his mom for a candy bar at the checkout line at the grocery store.

First off, I like women’s bodies. They’re nice to look at…all curvy and soft. Yum. That part is good. I also like all of the attention I get from the women while I am there. Whether it be from the strippers or the shot girls or both, it doesn’t matter…it’s all-good. If you are a woman reading this post who has never been to a strip club, let me explain. The dancers see men 99.9% of the time. Granted, not all men are this way, but often times they are nasty, balding, fat, slimy, horrible men who leer at them with lust, grope at them, make nasty comments and are basically disgusting in every way imaginable. When a dancer sees the rare woman come in, she knows she will not be treated poorly. Therefore, you get extra attention…let’s just say “very positive attention”. It also helps that when I go to strip clubs I tip well. There is nothing I hate seeing more than a woman in a titty bar not tipping the dancers. That’s just plain rude. They are entertainers, providing a service and deserve to be paid.

I also like the fact that a strip club is basically a bar with visual entertainment. Generally speaking, whenever I go to a bar I am bored within the first five minutes. I don’t like to drink all that much and there is only so much people-watching you can do without looking like a stalker. A strip club provides you with GREAT people-watching, entertainment and a bar atmosphere. It fulfills all my needs for a spicy night on the town every now and then. Let me emphasize every now and then. This is not something I could do often. It’s like rich chocolate; you can only eat so much before you start to feel full.

It was a fun night out that I TOTALLY needed. So thank you to all the strippers in the world for letting us enjoy your boobies.

After watching the ice-skating debacle last night, it leaves me wondering what Michelle Kwan is thinking right now. My guess would be that she is kicking herself in the ass for withdrawing from the Olympics. Yes, she has a pulled groin, but apparently Sasha had a bum groin muscle too.

I think Michelle could have pulled it off. (Even with the bad groin.) Yes, she fell short in the past 2 Olympics, but her 9 wins in the US Figure Skating Championships and her 5 wins in the World Figure Skating Championships have proven that she is not a choke artist. She knows how to win. Michelle on her worst day could have performed better than those women last night.

As I have told my friend Shane, I did not think that Arakawa's performance was gold medal worthy. She won the gold medal because she was the best of the worst. Yes, she didn’t fall, but she lacked any artistry and her performance was very safe. She did choose a great piece of music though, which I really think helped the crowd get into it.

I didn’t think there was a gold medal performance at all last night. It was a sad Olympic moment for me, but I guess I have to look towards the future skaters and hope for the best. My prediction is that Kimmie Meissner will always out shine Emily Hughes. I think Kimmie will be the future of American skating. So here’s hoping the 2010 Olympics will be better.

I am such a dork. There are times I cry while watching sporting events. The ones that really get me are football, baseball and ice-skating. I totally shed a few tears while watching Sasha Cohen skate her short program in the Olympics. She was just so good. She is known for choking in the big moments when she needs to do well, so I was just so happy to watch her succeed.

I love watching sports. However, I am very emotional when I do watch them. I yell at the T.V., stomp my feet in frustration, pace in the living room and yes, cry when my favorite team or athlete does well. My husband thinks I am a lunatic, but I don’t care. There is something about sports that just gets to me.

I feel like a mother’s worst critic is another mother. Being a mom myself, I know how judgmental I can be sometimes about other mothers parenting skills. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that, but unfortunately it’s true. If I see a 2 year old with a binky permanently in his mouth, I roll my eyes and secretly bash the mom for letting such a thing occur. If I see a mom giving her 17-month-old soda out of a bottle, I am appalled. I frequently see and hear other mother’s do exactly what I am sometimes guilty of, so I know it’s not just me. I’m starting to think that if moms only stuck together we’d probably have a world filled with healthier, safer and better-adjusted children.

Maybe instead of being judgmental of each other we should help one another more. Maybe if we share the plethora of knowledge we have about child raising with each other and look after one another’s children more, we’d all be happier.

A great example is this; although I am a stay at home mom now, I previously worked when I had a young child, which makes me very aware of how hard childcare issues are to deal with. Wouldn’t it be great if I made myself available to help anyone I know in a childcare jam? I currently don’t do this. I’m an asshole. Don’t get me wrong, I would never say “no” to someone who asked for help, but I’ve never put it out in the universe that I am willing and able to help. Maybe if I did help Mary, Betty, Bob, Sally or whoever, I wouldn’t be so judgmental of them and their parenting skills because I had a personal attachment to them and their children.

I truly believe that the African proverb is right, it does take a village to raise a child. Hillary Clinton may have made that adage famous in 1996, but it’s been a concept that has been around (and been successful) for centuries. I’d love to see it implemented more in our society.

I was asked why Angelina Jolie wasn’t on my “Wannadoo” list, as you’d think she’d be an obvious choice for me. The fact of the matter is that although she is very sexy in a, I wanna smack her ass and pull her hair really hard kind of way, I have zero desire to actually “doo” her because of the following reasons:

• She’s a home wrecker.
• She has too many tattoos for my personal taste.
• She’s a bit kicked in.
• Although I love full and supple lips, I think hers are way too big and she looks like the Joker.
• To me, it always looks like she needs to take a bath.
• It totally freaks me out that she made out with her brother.
• I feel like if I were to have sex with her that I’d have a 99% chance of catching an STD.

I totally understand that 95% of human beings (and probably dogs too) on the planet Earth want her, just not me. To each their own.

The tat on the left is during the Billy Bob Thornton relationship and the one on the right is after they broke up. She had many surgeries to remove his name. Ouch.

I would like to thank you, my genius husband, for this glorious design of my blog in my 2 favorite colors, green and purple. I could never properly articulate what a superior being you are and how I am forever humble to your greatness, so I won’t even try. I love you baby. Thanks.

My husband is leaving for Seattle the last week of February for a business trip. He will be gone for 4 ½ days. For weeks I’ve been dreading him leaving for many reasons, but the main thing that was freaking me out was that I would be alone. I am ashamed to admit this, but I can’t stand being alone. I know I’m supposed to be a mature, independent woman who values her alone time, but I fuckin hate it.

Being a stay-at-home mom I’m lonely all of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with my son, but he doesn’t talk and he still pisses in his pants, so I don’t think that counts. My daughter is in school all day and is NEVER home even when she’s not in school, so she’s not much aid in the lonesome department. It also doesn’t help that my son has been sick pretty much all winter with one thing or another, which leaves me house bound. Basically, I go crazy from isolation.

I was talking to my BFF, Daniele (since we were 16) the other day about my hubby leaving and I basically begged her to drop everything and get her ass on a plane to come stay with me for the week. Thank God she loves me. She said “yes”. I love when Daniele visits. We have a good time whether we go out or just sit on the couch all day watching reality shows on MTV while stuffing our faces and laughing our asses off. We also talk about EVERYTHING in great detail, which is always therapeutic and/or fun. So at least I will have a band-aide for my loneliness for a week. Thanks Daniele. I really appreciate it.

My top 17

Jessica Alba. I first got the hots for her in "Dark Angel" on FOX in 2000. She's one hot piece of ass. She's getting a little too skinny now though.
















Beyonce Knowles truly is bootylicious. She looks so creamy.

















Petra Nemcova. Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Yum.
















Brazilian Adriana Lima. Victoria Secret model.


















Talisa Soto. A bond girl in License to Kill.
















Helena Christensen. The first time I saw her was in a Chris Isaak video and have been hooked since.


















Brooke Burke. She used do a show called Wild On on E! Entertainment television. Most recently, she was a host on Rock Star: INXS
















Christina Milian. She was in some movie called Torque, which I never saw, but who cares...look at her.

















Lucy Liu. She was smokin in the Charlie's Angels movies. I always picture in black leather like in the movie.
















Aishwarya Rai. She is the queen of Bollywood in India. She is stunning.

















Milla Jovovich. Model turned actress. I know Resident Evil was pretty popular. You know she's a total dominatrix.

















Sofia Vergara. She was in the movie "Four Brothers". I didn't see it, but I've seen her before somewhere and keep her in my card catalog.

















Scarlett Johansson. I was introduced to her in Lost in Translation and she just keeps getting hotter and hotter. She has the best tits ever.
















Salma Hayek. I guess "From Dusk Till Dawn" made her pretty famous. Who cares...she's so sexy.










Susan Sarandon. She is so unbelievably sexy to this day. She's smart and exudes sexuality...what more could you ask for?











Catherine Zeta-Jones. Classically beautiful.



















Monica Bellucci. The first movie I saw her in was "The Matrix Revolutions". I totally fell in love. There is nothing I can say to do her justice.
















Honorable mentions:

A bit trashier, but still hot. Stacy Dash. She was in the movie "Clueless" as Cher's bestfriend.


















Kate Beckinsale. She's pretty, but there's something about her I'm not sure about??













Susan Ward. I think the most popular movie she was in was "Wild Things 2". She's a "B" list actress, but oh so hot.

















Jordana Brewster. She was in The Fast and the Furious, which I never saw.













A league of her own:

Sophia Loren. Ok, so I don't wannadoo her in 2006, but she's still sexy as hell.


















So, that's my wish list. It was VERY hard, but I tried to be as tame as possible when commenting because I know that my husband's co-workers and friends might read this. (which I'm glad they do read it!) I wouldn't want to freak anyone out though. (wink)

Teri Hatcher looks like she is going to die at any minute. Someone needs to give that bitch a cookie. The picture on the left was her late last year and the picture on the right was at the Grammy's in 2006. Now don't get me wrong, I like thin women (Think Scarlett Johansson’s body type.) just as much as anyone, but isn't this crossing the line into disgusting? Teri is only 41 years old; her face looks like that of an 80 year old. It’s because she has nothing to fill it out. She is so nasty and gross it makes me want to puke. What is it with these Hollywood chicks starving themselves? Do they really think that is appealing? I could floss my teeth with her.

I know EVERYONE writes about this topic ALL OF THE TIME, but these photos shocked me. Really. Imagine screwing that…it would be like screwing a skeleton. Yuck!

As a side note: This has prompted me to create a list of all of the women I think are really hot and why. God that’s gonna be fun.

This is my dog. She eats her own poop. Is that a sign of mental retardation?

One thing I forgot to add to that long ass list of things about me is that I'm a total over sharer. This really belonged in the top three of that list, as it's something that has been a perpetual problem for me as long as I can remember. It’s like a disease.

The first memory I have of this disease afflicting me is when I was around 5 years old. I told my grandmother that I had farted so loudly that I woke Blackie, her dog up. (And no, there is no racial epithet in her choice of dog name. Although he was black.) My grandmother was a very prim and proper lady who never even said the word “fart”, let alone actually let one rip. Needless to say, she was not happy with me.

It’s only gotten worse from there. At age 31, I often find myself talking to complete strangers or people that I barely know about bodily fluids, my placenta, poop, sex, drugs..you name it.

For anyone that knows me, you know what I’m talking about!!!!

• I'm 31 years old.
• I have 2 children.
• One smart as hell husband.
• I'm a democrat.
• The moment I knew I was in love with my husband is when I caught him sliding down the stairs on his butt when he didn’t know I was around.
• My favorite thing to do is read.
• My second favorite thing to do is take pictures.
• My favorite food is an Italian hoagie from the deli off of Bridgetown Pike in Feasterville, PA.
• My favorite city that I have been to is Chicago.
• My favorite place to sit is near the ocean. The ocean does something magical to me.
• My first job was when I was in high school was at a Wilson's leather store.
• I was born in New Brunswick, NJ.
• I lived in Woodbridge, NJ as a child and could see the New York City skyline from my bus stop.
• When I was a kid I worshiped Wonder Woman. My entire bedroom was Wonder Woman everything. I even wore the underroos.
• I got sun poisoning as a young child, which resulted in freckles all over my body. It was even in my eyes!! I was severely burned.
• My great grandfather was business partners with Thomas Edison.
• My grandfather played with the Brooklyn Dodgers before WWII and left the team to join the service where he played baseball to entertain the troops.
• My dad pitched all of his life and played throughout college.
• My best childhood memory was a family trip to Bermuda.
• My worst childhood memory was when no one showed up for my 7th birthday party.
• When I was a child I wanted to become an astronaut...until the Challenger blew up. Then I wanted to go to Rwanda, Africa and work with chimpanzees like Jane Goodall or gorillas like Dian Fossey.
• I was tortured in school until 8th grade. I got braces the summer before 8th grade and that gave me confidence for some reason. I was then able to tell everyone to screw off.
• My first real boyfriend was named Mike. We dated for about 2 years in high school. It became "serious" when I was 17 years old.
• I've been married twice. The first time was when I had just turned 19 and it lasted 8 years. I got a beautiful daughter out of it.
• My second marriage is on its 3rd year and I am very happy. So far, we have made one great son together.
• I left my first marriage for one reason and one reason only. I wasn't in love. On paper, he was great. Just not great for me.
• My biggest fear in life is that something terrible happens to one of my children. I couldn't live without them.
• My biggest regret in life is that I got married so young. I wish I could have lived for me for a couple of years.
• The best days of my life were when I gave birth to my children.
• The worst day of my life was September 11th. September 11th 2001 because of the terrorist attacks. It took me a solid 2 years to not think about it everyday and September 11th 2005 because that is the day my 1-year-old son got a second degree burn on his little body. I hate that fuckin day.
• Where I was on 9-11-2001: I was at work. I happened to work with my husband. It was VERY early in our relationship. There was a bar on the first floor of our building where we all watched the horror unfold on television. We were working in a suburb of Philadelphia at the time. It was the most beautiful day weather wise. They weren’t letting you pick up your children from school, so we went to my father’s house. That was the first day he met my dad. After hours of watching the news, we decided that we needed a TV break. We went to Sal’s for a slice of pizza and then to the park. We sat on a blanket by the lake. After long discussions about the day’s events the conversation turned to us and our relationship. We ended up making love right there in the park and it was the day that our relationship grew leaps and bounds. I will never forget that day for the rest of my life…for many reasons.
• My perfect day would consist of the following: sleeping in, waking up to my husband bringing me coffee and a bagel in bed, have some sex and a snuggle, reading in bed until I felt like getting up, walking through town to browse the shops, eating lunch at an outdoor cafe, getting ice cream, going home to my clean house to pick the kids up for us all to hang out on a blanket at the park, come home exhausted and veg out on the couch to watch the Chiefs beat Denver 42-0, take a candle lit bath and then going to bed for some more sex and a snuggle. Then sleep. I'm pretty easy to please.
• My favorite possession is my camera.
• The possession I most desire is a Tacori ring.
• My dad is my hero.
• The characteristic I most admire in a person is wit.
• The characteristic I most despise in a person in fakeness.
• The sexiest thing about a person to me is intelligence.
• My favorite person to be with is my husband.
• I am an east coast girl at heart. I will never be happy living in the midwest.
• I think women are more physically attractive then men.
• My best friend is Daniele.
• My worst enemy is my weight.
• I am a bad drunk.
• I've always thought I was better at playing sports than I actually am.
• I have good hair.
• I still am confused about my religious beliefs. I'm not sure about the whole Jesus thing. I definitely believe in some higher power, I'm just not sure what.
• I read way too much chick lit.
• Coca-Cola...NEVER Pepsi.
• My favorite “intelligent” show was Six Feet Under.
• My favorite mentally retarded show is Laguna Beach.
• I think the sexiest female actress is Catherine Zeta-Jones.
• I think the sexiest male actor is Patrick Stewart. (Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek the Next Generation.)
• The only famous person I’ve ever met was Billy Joel.
• My favorite band is Coldplay.
• I listen to Howard Stern.
• I generally have a good sense for people. I usually know if I am going to like you within the first 5 seconds of meeting you.
• I guess I can be too judgmental at times.
• The most important lesson I want to teach my daughter is to be a strong, independent person and an independent thinker. And not to take crap from anyone.
• The most important lesson I want to teach my son is how to love.
• If a genie were to grant me three wishes I would wish to be smarter, for my children to always be healthy and safe and for eternal happiness.
• If I could meet one person, I would want to meet Nelson Mandela. I think he would be pretty inspirational.
• I hope I live to see a female president for the United States.
• My dream job would be to work in a book-publishing house where I would be a professional reader. That’s the person that reads all of the manuscripts submitted and recommends the good ones to be considered for publishing.
• When I was a kid I LOVED the movie Annie. (I never saw the play.) I used to go around pretending I was her and singing all of the songs. I think I still know all of the words.
• I hated being pregnant. I did not glow. I didn’t think it was a wonderful, beautiful experience. I gained tons of weight, could barely walk and had to sleep sitting up because I had such bad indigestion.
• I was a latchkey kid.
• I haven’t been to many concerts, but I did see the following: Michael Jackson (Thriller tour), The Rolling Stones, Rush, Yes, Billy Joel and Elton John, Madonna, U2 (a couple of times), Britney Spears (because my daughter used to love her), Sarah McLachlan and Coldplay.
• Some of my favorite movies are: Lost in Translation, Moulin Rouge, American Beauty, Office Space, Airplane (the original), Pleasantville, High Fidelity, Garden State and The Matrix (the original).
• If I am successful at only one thing, I hope it is that I am a good mother.

I always felt that blogging about your life and your thoughts seemed a bit narcissistic. Why the hell does anyone give a shit what you think? My feelings started to change when I began reading an acquaintances blog and realized how much I was learning about him. His blog made me like him even more than I already did. I enjoyed getting his insight into books, movies, technology and life in general. It gave me a glimpse into him and his life that I probably would never have gotten to see otherwise. People are always much more uninhibited when they write compared to when they converse face to face with someone. That's what makes writing so alluring. On a different and more self-absorbed note, I also began to think what a great creative outlet it could be and what a great way of getting things off of your chest. A bit of creative freedom and a bit therapy wrapped in one package. Sounds good to me. So here I am.

I have no clue where this blog will lead. My life is not that exciting right now. I am a stay at home mom. I have a 16-month-old son and an 11-year-old daughter. (I'll explain the age gap some other time I'm sure.) I love reading, taking pictures, music, bad television and of course my family. I am embarrassed to admit that I am gripped by pop culture. I know way too much about Jessica Simpson and any other ho who is on the cover of US magazine. I watch entirely too much reality TV and I'm quite familiar with the cast of Laguna Beach. I know, I need help. One day I will grow up.